Communicating with the one you love can be one of the biggest challenges in life. Do you ever feel like a doormat in your relationship? If you are getting stepped on instead of stepping up, it's time to refocus and find a way to bring you and your partner together at the bargaining table.
"We need to talk..."
These can be the dreaded four words of doom which nearly everyone has either uttered or heard from their partner. Someone's in trouble and it's time to "have it out." This initiation into discussion is already so strong, it's going to be hard for either party to communicate effectively.
Every couple "has" to talk all the time. That's what being a couple is - intimate communication. So, open up the channels and tell each other things you love about each other. And when things come up talk about them. Deciding to table an issue while you are visiting your in-laws is one thing, but dropping this bomb in the middle of your anniversary dinner is just not good thinking.
When it is time to talk, approach your partner with an open hand. Phrases like, "I just want to check in and see if you experience this, too." Or "I want to know how I can listen to you better because it seems like we aren't talking as much."
You are a team, so bring the other person toward you by opening with phrases like these when you communicate.
Make deals you can both live with
The ability to negotiate with your lover for a life you both want to live is paramount to a successful relationship. In our complicated world, many couples find themselves choosing not just "your place or mine" but what state to live in. With internet dating and job searching increasing, the chance that you may fall in love out of state, or be attracted to a company that requires you to relocate are greater than ever. That means, many couples have to pick a new address together to stay together. This can mean a lot of time at the "bargaining table."
Remember, your relationship is not a business. Offering and counter offering are not strategies to build a "lifetime together" on. Listening and offering solutions is a way of love. If your partner makes a big request - like relocating - what does that mean for you and what does it mean for your relationship? Take the time you need for yourself to search your heart and then go to your partner and talk together about your decision as a couple.
Practice saying yes
There are a few deal-breakers for everyone. But most day-to-day things are just that - the day to day of sharing your life with someone you love. Say yes to tolerance, love and patience. Say yes to gentleness and forgiveness. Say what you need and want and allow it to come to you by being it for yourself.
What about negotiating for sex?
According to psychic Maryanne (ext. 9146) "Your sex life is something that is built and grown between two people. Negotiate lovingly and in a supportive manner to build a satisfying sex life." Psychic Darcy (ext. 9488) adds "Don't close the bedroom doors just because things are getting old. Lure your partner in with a new and innovative sexy bedroom motif and lots of fun toys to play with."
No matter what you are negotiating, remember to always say "yes" to listening, understanding and love. All the rest will follow.
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