Divorce. Even the word sounds cold and final. For many, the "D" word brings images of the 1989 movie, The War of the Roses, starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. Sure, underhandedness and mass destruction is one way to handle it. Fortunately, with a little effort, it doesn't have to be that way.
Marriages come to an end for many reasons: lives change, love is lost, or sometimes you find that you just can't stand the person to whom you are married. Whatever the reason, the truth comes out -- the marriage isn't working, or workable, anymore.
Red Responds
Am I dying of a broken heart or does it just feel that way?
While divorce is not a pleasant experience, it doesn't have to be a complete nightmare. Especially for the lucky few, who know they make better friends than lovers.
The end...
Ending a marriage is hard. It is hard if it is your choice, and it is even harder when it is the last thing you want. Even under the best of circumstances, when each of you is ready to move on in another direction, there is likely to be a challenge or two while navigating the path to freedom. It is an emotional time, one that is often further challenged by the division of property and financial upheaval. It is the perfect setting for nastiness, revenge and financial loss. But, there are ways to limit the drama, especially if you want to remain friends.
Acceptance is key
Whether the end is your choice or not, by accepting that life as you know it is over and things are about to change, two things begin to happen: 1) you start planning for your own future and 2) you are setting the stage for a different kind of relationship with your soon-to-be-ex. That one act of reality can save a whole lot of drama, and release a good chunk of resentment and pain.
Plan Ahead
Feeling "entitled" is an emotional reaction, and that feeling isn't enough to protect you. Arm yourself with knowledge of the laws in your state, and do what you can to keep your wits about you. A cool head may be hard to maintain, but in the long run, keeping it only helps you. A third party can help out immensely in this goal - let them handle the nuts and bolts.
Respect
Knowing that your future is about to unfold in a way that you didn't want, (or never saw coming) can easily lead to rash decisions and emotional reactions. Respect yourself enough to leave with grace, or maintain your dignity if your partner is leaving you. Fighting causes drama, and drama is likely to only bring on more difficulty and pain. While you may not like yourself, your soon-to-be-ex, or the situation - the outcome is still going to be the same. You are going to be divorced. The one thing that is in your control is how you handle yourself.
Your choice
It can be tough to be civil, even tougher to be nice - especially when legalities and property division come into play. Talking like reasonable adults can do wonders. However, if you must throw down and battle, choose your battles wisely - not everything is worth fighting over, or for. Keep in mind that your future is one of you on your own. Being hateful or hurtful isn't going to change that, but it could very well define who you will become.
End of an era
The marriage is over, the lines are drawn in the sand. The person you married then is most likely not the same person that now stands before you. Chances are good that you have changed, too. Looking back may bring joy or pain, but what really matters is now. You still have a whole life ahead of you, one that is different than originally planned.
Through marriage and divorce, you now know your ex better than before. Some people find that when love has gone wrong, at least they can have a friendship in its wake. Many people know before the divorce is through, that they make better friends than lovers. Friendship with an ex-spouse is possible - but it truly depends on the people involved. Some pains cannot be forgotten, some hurts cannot be forgiven. That is for each individual to decide.
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