Change Is Good... But Rare

What you can and can't change about your relationship

 

"Baby, I'll change - I promise!"  Whether it's a middle school boy agreeing to spend more time with his girlfriend or a grown man swearing he'll pick up his dirty clothes off the floor, change is a lot easier said than done. Yet scores of women spend their lives hoping their men will change.

In some cases, waiting around for partner to change can be downright dangerous. If your partner is unwilling -- or unable -- to break patterns of physical abuse, drug use or cheating, the results can be life-threatening.

So is it really true that people never change?

What You Can't Change
The old cliché is, "People never change." The truth is closer to, "people never change each other." One of the biggest mistakes women make in relationships is believing they can change their partners.

You can encourage your partner. You can nag him. You can inspire him. But no matter how smart or kind or loving you are, you can't change him. He has to do that himself.

If there are things about your partner you don't like, you have to decide whether they are deal breakers. If he lies, cheats or abuses you, get out -- now. These problems are his - and they involve issues bigger than you or your relationship.  No matter how much you love him, you will not change him. And in these situations, no matter how much he loves you, he will hurt you.

What You Can Change
At the end of the day, there's really only one thing you can count on changing in a relationship: yourself. If your partner does something that drives you nuts, don't repress it or nag him about it. Instead, communicate your feelings honestly and openly - and then let it go.

After that, the most you can do is control your own response. If you can't change him (and you can't, remember?), you can at least change yourself. If he leaves his clothes on the floor, do you pick them up? If you don't, do you resent that they are sitting there? Regardless of what you choose to do, remind yourself that you made the choice. Take some joy in the fact that even if you can't control (or change) your man, you can at least change yourself and let go of the resentment and frustration that comes with trying to change another person.

Change Versus Growth
As rare as improvement is, sometimes it does happen. But if your partner does change, it isn't because you made it happen- it's because he's grown.

Growth doesn't happen overnight. It's a gradual process of self-awareness and self-improvement. It begins with a partner making a decision to change - not for you, but for himself. Growth requires that he evaluate his challenges, educate himself on his options for improvement, and most importantly, take action. Growth does not announce itself by saying, "I've changed, I promise!"-- growth shows itself through action.

Some women waste their whole lives waiting around for their men to change. But growth is something truly unexpected: a gift that can not be requested, only received.

Will things ever change? Call 1.800.573.4784 or click here now.