Joy in St. Louis writes:
I have been with my husband for more than ten years, I am 27. We have seven children. He had an affair and now the lady has a little girl about 6 or 7months old. She said that the paternity is between my husband and another man. She said that the other guy was tested and the baby did not belong to him.
I called the girl and told her they both need to pay half and half on the test. She agreed. I'm not ready to hear the results, I don't know what my reaction will be. I know this has to be done for the sake of this child. This will be a lot on my kids and me. His chances are really high to be this child's father - one because he slept with her and two because she is white and she said these are the only black males she slept with at the time. I really don't know what to do right now I am just trying to work on my marriage. Please give me some advice.
Dear Joy,
I am so sorry for the position you are in. While you may not want to hear the test results when they come in, it would be wise of you to hope for the best and brace yourself for the worst.
Joy, while everything I have is pointing to your husband being this child's father, I can't say with 100% certainty that your husband is, or isn't, this baby's father - but I can say that he thinks he is. The child's mother is hoping he is, because there is a third man she had sex with around that time, and he seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. I'm not even sure that this guy even gave her his real name. The long of the short of it is, I keep seeing three men that she was sleeping with, not just two. Even so, you need to be prepared.
You are already dealing with the biggest issue, the fact that your husband betrayed you with another woman. I don't see your marriage failing, nor do I see your family falling apart. Believe it or not, this whole thing looks like it is going to bring you and your husband closer together, and make your marriage stronger than it would have been otherwise.
As long as you and your husband pull together to make and keep your relationship strong, your kids will be okay. It seems like you have a pretty happy and resilient bunch. Having a step-sister out there isn't really going to impact them all that much - the kids all seem like they will just take it in stride.
My biggest concern is that your husband put you both at risk of contracting potentially life-threatening STDs by having unprotected sex outside of your marriage. Do you realize the possible consequences of this and that it could potentially leave your children without either parent? Make sure you are tested for sexually transmitted diseases and that your husband gives you his word that he will not endanger your life again.
The bottom line is you know what is important to you, and you are strong enough to deal with whatever comes your way. Good or bad, you do what you always do - you just handle it. Even if you can't see it now, everything is going to work out just fine.
Brightest Blessings!
Red
Ext. 9226